


Between Anger and Relief

by mythomagicallydelicious



Series: Where is My Mind [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon temporary character death mentioned, Episode: c02e086 The Cathedral, Gen, Post, Rage, Yasha's Backstory (Critical Role), anger is easy; everything else is hard, internal confusion, rebuilding relationships, slightly angsty, yasha's insecurities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27633902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythomagicallydelicious/pseuds/mythomagicallydelicious
Summary: Yasha needs time to process her emotions and thoughts, and the reactions and support and suspicion of her friends only adds to that confusing time.
Relationships: Fjord & Yasha (Critical Role), The Mighty Nein & Yasha
Series: Where is My Mind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020532
Kudos: 8





	Between Anger and Relief

**Author's Note:**

> A prelude to "The Hallways, They Echoed and Groaned", Yasha's POV and headspace immediately following the battle at the cathedral, and more specific references to events and happenings in that time period, especially from Fjord.

It was easier for Yasha to deal with Fjord’s anger than his forgiveness. Moments after she felt Caduceus rip the burning control of Obann away from her, Fjord had turned to face her. Her scream had drawn many eyes in the cathedral, but his made first contact.

Darkness filled his voice and he swirled his sword—it looked strange, that’s not his sword, it looked nothing like it used to—and pointed its blade to her.

“ _Tell me you can hear me_.”

There was searing pain as shadows cut into her, pulling her essence towards him in a concentrated stream. The sword pulled as it cut, the energy flowing along it and seeping through Fjord’s chest armor. And though it hurt, it was dulled, in a way—the damage not as severe as ~~she hoped~~ she expected it would be. The damage lessened for a reason she can’t gather in the moment.

Her breath left her as the stream of darkness abruptly cut off. Her legs shook and a wave of dizziness overtook her.

Fjord breathed in as the dark glob sank into him, and for a moment he shined, a few cuts and wounds healed over as she watched, the stars in her vision mixing with the light glowing off of him. Oh. He’d taken some of her life force, replenishing what the battle had so far cost.

Yasha had coughed, trying to expel the feeling of unfamiliar magic coursing through her.

In the heat of battle, it’s hard to think straight.

In general, it’s been a long time since Yasha felt she could think straight. There’s been too much fog and confusion. Too many voices whispering behind her ear, puppeteering her. Jerking her every which way on a whim—

_No._ She is in control of her mind, now.

And she’d been almost grateful for the way Fjord had glared at her, at first.

It had hurt. But everything hurt. Jester’s excitement, Nott’s suspicion. Beau’s distance, watching her be carried by a polymorphed Caleb. Fjord’s accusations and even Caduceus’ even-temper had _hurt_. Being among people she’d betrayed and attacked, however unwillingly, had _hurt_.

But being alone hurt _worse_. And at least between Fjord and Nott, they were being sensible. Narrowed eyes and weapons drawn, they’d questioned her. Obviously not to be trusted.

Yasha couldn’t be trusted. So easy to take her mind. So easy to turn her weapon against those she knows. ~~Loves.~~

So easy to watch dispassionately as she strikes Beau down, her sword through her chest.

So easy to turn away as if Beau were _nothing_ , and attack the next obstacle in her path.

She did not deserve their pity, or their kindness. She didn’t understand why they would even think to offer it. The checked rage in Fjord’s voice—was he okay? Why was his voice funny—and the way he questioned her. At least she knew she deserved the skepticism.

Or. She’d thought she’d deserved that treatment. Jester had been vocal and immediate with her forgiveness. And her hugging. And for weeks after, Jester had continued with that support. Sunny and loving and expressive.

But even that same day, mere hours after Fjord had leveled his sword and glare at her, he’d smiled, too. Explained his voice, and what the group had been doing in her… absence.

They’d gone together to find an underground fighting ring. They’d backed each other up. He’d encouraged her and they’d shared a moment of camaraderie.

Yasha had felt so uncomfortable in these moments without bristling or tension, she’d almost wished for conflict to spark. Just for the familiarity of being on the outside.

Now, weeks later, despite the growth from those first free, confusing moments, she found herself reflecting back on the anger. The ease of it. The way she navigated it like second nature.

Fjord’s anger had disappeared so quickly. As if it were hard to hold the past against her. Like his memory was too short to keep it fueled.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, it ends abruptly. maybe I'll come back and add to it later. For now, it is what it is.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> I feel like I don't spend enough time thinking about the side relationships in the mighty nein, so here is the start of trying to expand those friendships and what they're like.


End file.
